Tuesday, September 29, 2009

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Thursday, September 24, 2009

New National Health Plan

The American Medical Association has weighed in on the new health care package...

The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the administration had a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted.

Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the pediatricians said, "oh, grow up!"

The Psychiatrists thought the the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, "This puts a whole new face on the matter!"

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to those assholes in Washington.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

The Conservative Pledge

I will support the People's right to self-defense.

I will be devoted to the principle of blind justice.

I recognize the media for its bias, bullying and deception.

I will emphasize self-reliance and being able to keep the fruits of one's labor.

I will promote teaching self-help rather than dependence on government and others.

I will place conservative values and principles above personal desires, weaknesses, fears and regrets.

I will emphasize charity, with its unexpected benefits, rather than support compulsory tax-and-spend programs.

I will have a never-ending quest for the truth, despite obstacles based on emotion and personal experience and will spread such truths for the benefit of all.

I will give those in authority due respect, however, not to the extent of taking orders or assertions that are contrary to conservative values or moral logic.

I will emphasize humility and open-mindedness instead of the arrogant certainty about one's own views.

I will not simply complain, but rather will take practical action toward improving my situation.

I will use self-control as opposed to a self-indulgent search for instant gratification of desires.

I will downplay the significance of wealth, disparities in wealth and materialism in general.

I will recognize and utilize the benefits of competition and hard work in my daily life.

I understand that a rising tide lifts all boats, e.g. tax cuts benefit all.

I will recognize the power and liquidity of the free market.

I will emphasize self-restraint against hurtful activities.

I will reject the deification of government officials.

I will support those who prove frugal and efficient.

Thanks to http://www.conservativepledge.org/Conservative_s_Pledge.html